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Good Thursday morning to you my friends who are on the “Walking with Jesus” journey with me.
Today we’ve come to that great part of Ephesians 5 which speaks about healthy, God honoring marriages.
Interestingly, Paul was never married, yet he speaks powerfully to this issue, under the leading of the Holy Spirit in his life. It’s subject he wrote about several times…
> In 1 Corinthians 6:12- all of chapter 7, Paul address the issue of the holiness of the physical intimacy appetite, which God has given to us, both male and female, and its fulfillment within a God honoring marriage. And also the great dangers of sexual immorality, or any dysfunctional sexual intimacy, within marriage.
> This past weekend I tried to help you see how powerfully Ephesians 4:17-24 applies to the implosion of a healthy marriage, and the rebuilding of that marriage by God’s design.
> In Paul’s letter to the Colossians, we saw a wonderful blueprint of how a God honoring marriage stays healthy and vibrant in Colossians 3:1-19.
Now here in Ephesians 5, let’s begin with vs 21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” There it is… the single most powerful verse in the Bible about marriage, in my humble opinion!
By God’s design our lives, single or married, man or woman, function best and we are most content in life… when we live “filled by the Holy Spirit of God”, fully submitted to the authority of Jesus Christ, as He works His purposes for and in our lives, through His Holy Spirit. Did you get that??
If that’s true… then a marriage works best, and is most fulfilling, and both the husband and wife are most content, when the BOTH live in submission to each other OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST!
Now I know the word “submit” raises the hair on the back of our neck, doesn’t it? We don’t want any part of slavery. But remember the word “bond-servant” (Exodus 21:5,6) is a person who WILLINGLY, JOYFULLY, puts themselves into servant-hood to the one they love, FOR LIFE! Paul refers to himself as a bond-servant of Jesus! Paul is not saying… be slaves to each other. Paul is saying SERVE each other, with joy! If you’ve ever seen a marriage like that, it’s simply fun to watch isn’t it, as both husband and wife really do find joy in serving each other!
But notice the second part of that verse 21 from Paul…“…out of reverence for Christ.”
When a man and woman, who are married to each other, are FULLY convinced God brought them to each other, God has united them in marriage, for HIS GLORY… then everything and anything that is part of that marriage experience is done as an expression of worship and praise to God, THANKING Him for the miracle of His bringing these two people into this marriage covenant!
So it’s really quite simple… everything which needs doing, to make the marriage work… housework, yardwork, employment, dishes, garbage, bills, house repairs, laundry, vacuum or scrubbing the floors, bathroom cleaning (including scrubbing the toilets)… ANYTHING is done out of reverence for Christ who brought this dear man and woman together in this marriage! And whenever one sees the other could use some help, ANY kind of help…then “…serve one another out of reverence for Christ.” It’s clear, right friends? So no more…his chores, her chores as burdens,… it’s our privilege to serve each other, as we worship and thank Jesus for bringing us together in this marriage!! Do I hear Amen?
Now with that in mind, Paul then writes “Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so the wife should submit to her husband in everything.” (22-24) I can hear the moans all across America! Start at the end of the phrase and work back to the beginning. How should the church of Jesus Christ submit to Jesus who is the head of His church? Why is He the Head of His Church? How does He function as the Head of His Church?
Well first, Jesus is the Savior of His church, right? Every person in His church has experienced Jesus dying on the cross to pay their sin debt, so they could be rescued from, and forgiven of their sin, by God, and adopted into the family of God. They thus become members of Jesus’ global church (ekkelsia…‘people who are called out of darkness’). The church is also called the “Bride of Christ” (Revelation 19:7).
Jesus functions as the Head of His Church by leading His church. One of the major responsibilities of the leadership of every local church is seeking to discern and following the desires of Jesus for that local church, and partner with Jesus in becoming and accomplishing all Jesus wants UNIQUELY for that church!
Jesus functions as the Protector of His church, and the Lover of His church, and the Provider for the needs of His church. Jesus guides His church to accomplish all the things He wants to do through them locally and globally. Jesus brings to each local church God’s children whom He wants as part of that local body, both for their growth and for the benefit of that church. Can you see the parallels with the roles of husbands in a marriage and family?
Now what does Jesus expect of us, His church, as we love and serve and follow Him? He expects loving faithfulness and loyalty only to Him. Spiritual adultery happens when we start worshiping other ‘gods’ or pulling away from Him to abstain from worshiping any god, other than ourselves! He expects that we will serve Him out of our love response to His love, and our gratitude for His sacrifice to pay our sin debt.
So when Paul says “Wives, lovingly serve your husbands as you serve Jesus” do you see what it means? When we, as husbands, lead and love our wives, as Jesus leads and loves His church, then it’s nice and clean and fairly simple, and God honoring, isn’t it? But when husbands do NOT lead and love as Jesus leads and loves… then it’s complicated. Right?
I wonder if when Paul was dictating this letter, the scribe’s hand was tired, and maybe asked for a break after 5:24, and Paul said “NO break”, not till we speak to husbands. So… “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” I wonder if maybe the scribe said “Paul, sir, would you repeat that… I’m not sure I heard you correctly?” And I see Paul saying ” you heard me, make sure you write it accurately, word for word…”! Do we hear it friends, especially my husband friends? Oh we enjoy the first four words, don’t we men? But that last phrase “…just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” !!
I have a young friend up in Wisconsin, who when he and his girlfriend were in college, they discovered she had very early stage MS. They talked and prayed about their future. They knew what it may mean for him. Slow deterioration of his wife’s physical capabilities. Eventual wheel chair, perhaps even loss of ability to feed herself, bathe and clothe herself etc. They contemplated ending the engagement, going their separate ways, but they were both convinced God had brought them together, and they deeply loved each other…so they vowed themselves first to God… that their marriage would DAILY be for His glory. Then they vowed themselves to each other. And then he, vowed himself to serve his young wife, ‘out of reverence for Christ’. And he did… faithfully, tenderly, lovingly, sacrificially all the way to her death about 3 years ago! They were married many years. She experienced all the phases of MS that most people do… to the point of total loss of her bodily functions, and he served her daily, hourly, tenderly. He gave himself up for her, as Jesus had given Himself up for us.
My brothers, fellow husbands… when we love our wives as Christ loved us, His church, and gave Himself up for us. . . it is easy for our wives to submit to, serve their husbands with joy, as unto the Lord Jesus!!
Now watch this…while Paul speaks first to the wives here, we the men take the lead in this, just as Jesus did! We didn’t beg for God to send Jesus to die for our sin… it was God the Father who sent Jesus His Son, while we were deep in our sin (Romans 5:8)! God took the initiative to send Jesus. Jesus took the initiative to love and die. Husbands we NEVER wait for our wives to serve, and then if they do, we love and lead them. NO, NO! My brothers… we LOVE and Lead, and then they serve and partner with us, as they see us following Jesus. Oh, did you catch that… “as they see us following Jesus”! That answers the question WHERE are we leading our families? We lead them to follow Jesus WITH US as we follow Jesus!
Now all the rest of what Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:21-33 builds on this… read it slowly and ask Jesus to help you understand it my friends. We’ll visit this topic again perhaps tomorrow, and in a few weeks when we read 1 Peter together.
Lord Jesus I lift every marriage before you, asking that you help us, husbands and wives, to understand and live this well for your glory!
Have a comment or question about today’s chapter? I’m ready to hear from you, contact me here.
Pastor Doug Anderson 262.441.8785
“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, with our eyes fixed on Jesus…” (Heb. 12:1,2)
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