Hello, my dear “Walking with Jesus” friends,
Have you found that when we do indeed ‘walk closely with Jesus’ we become even more aware of the ugliness, the dark side of our human race? We often see it in others first, but if we are honest and look closely, we can see it in ourselves also! The Bible can be like a mirror, helping us see ourselves and our world through the eyes of God. These days we’re with the apostle Paul in the mid first century, as he is writing a letter of challenge and instruction to his Christian friends in the great Greek city of Corinth. Let’s rejoin Paul in his 7th chapter as he is dealing with a problem which is in every city of the world, in every generation.
The problem is out of control LUST which too often results in people engaging in physical intimacy outside of a sacred marriage commitment. Paul uses the words ‘sexual immorality’ when describing this widespread problem. Why that phrase? Because God has designed a wonderful, holy, mutually respectful, God honoring way for a man and woman to express their love for each other in beautiful sexual intimacy, within the sacred relationship of their marriage covenant. But way too often LUST disregards God’s call for holiness and mutual respect within sexual intimacy and the result is immoral, too often forceful, demanding selfishness, which results in a mockery of God’s wonderful design and emotional wounds which can last a long time.
Yesterday we watched as Paul began this very important part of his letter, today let’s listen as Paul continues, for it could not be a more relevant topic for our day, no matter where you live in our world. “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:3) Now my friends, what could Paul possibly mean by this? What responsibility do married people have to each other with regard to sexual intimacy? I think the secret can be seen in another instruction the Holy Spirit gave through Paul, this time dealing with how we speak to one another. Ephesians 4:29 says: “Let not any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit with whom you were sealed… Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander…Be kind and compassionate to one another…”
Now my friends, we understand this don’t we? God has given us two ears and one mouth, and a very wonderful, complex brain. As we listen to all that is happening around us, our minds process the information. We form opinions, attitudes, ideas and our emotions get involved and soon our mouths want to open, and our tongues want to speak what we think and feel. But God challenges us to be very careful and control our tongues so that what we speak is helpful to others and shows our compassion and sensitivity to other people.
God calls us to be sure our words are helpful, never demeaning or wounding. But that requires much wisdom, awareness of what others are feeling, discernment of the guidance of the Holy Spirit and self control, doesn’t it? It also requires that we put the needs of others ahead of our own desire to voice our opinion even if it is not helpful! Now, can we make the application to our passionate emotions which can turn to lust, craving physical sexual expression?
May I offer two questions which will help us apply Paul’s remarkable challenge that husbands and wives have an obligation to each other sexually?
1. Husbands, can you discern the EMOTIONAL desires of your wife as you interpret the look on her face, the words she speaks, the tone of voice she uses?
Can you tell when your wife has a desire for you to express your love for her with a hug or embrace, or perhaps a moment of hand holding, or your arm around her shoulder?
What assurance will that give her and how will it be helpful to her in that moment?
And what wounding could take place in her heart if you press for more physical intimacy in that moment, far beyond what she desires? Worse yet, what if your wife knows you understand she would welcome your embrace or loving arm around her, but you disregard her need for emotional encouragement and you walk away or turn to the TV or computer screen ignoring her? Either of those responses is emotional abuse my friends and God warns us strongly against that.
God has designed marriage to be the safest relationship a person has and in that sacred marriage the husband and wife should be encouraged, supported, loved, protected, served, and even nurtured through the words, touch, listening and even physical intimacy with their spouse. Do you see Paul is calling us to that in his words in 1 Corinthians 7?
2. Wives, can you discern when your husband is needing encouragement, support, affirmation?
Can you sense when the pressures of life, the burdens of responsibility, are wearing your husband down to a place of discouragement, self-doubt, anxiety, worry, even fear of failure?
Do you understand your husband well enough that you know what words will greatly encourage him?
Wives can you tell when your husband needs your loving touch, holding his hand, your embrace?
And as I asked the men, I now ask you dear women… what damage is done in his soul when you refuse to offer him those words or that touch of encouragement?
But you and I both know Paul was using the words “Lust” and “sexual immorality” to describe activities far beyond tender words or hand holding or even embrace. Men and women in Corinth were engaging in a wide range of sexual activity which was immoral and a mockery of marriage. In some cases, unmarried people were with each other in sexual intimacy in ways that should only be experienced within the sacred marriage commitment. In other cases, married people were engaging in those sexual intimacy acts with people who were not their spouse, both unmarried and married. Adultery was widespread. And it’s no different in your city or mine today, is it?
What would happen if you and I and every Christian person determined that we would honor God at all times with our words and our touch? What if our words were always respectful and encouraging to others according to what the Holy Spirit showed us their need to be? What if any form of touching between two people was always helpful, respectful, God honoring, tender, compassionate? Would that change how you speak with or touch other people? How would that change your relationships, my friends? Would it also change reputations?
Tomorrow we’ll return right here and dig more deeply into these powerful words of Paul’s. For today, I want to leave us pondering this wonderful appeal to God: “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight O God, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Ps. 19:14) Of course LUST begins in the heart, the thoughts and meditations of the heart, doesn’t it? And here’s a tender song to help us consider the important truths that we’ve been reflecting on today:
Today’s Scripture is 1 Cor. 7:3.
Choose below to read or listen.
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Bible images provided with attribution to www.LumoProject.com.
Have a comment or question about today’s chapter? I’m ready to hear from you, contact me here.
Pastor Doug Anderson
“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, with our eyes fixed on Jesus…” (Heb. 12:1,2)
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